Many people will say that their teenage years were the best years of their lives. It’s a time when teens begin to understand themselves more, create lifelong friendships, and establish the building blocks for the rest of their lives. However, some adolescents have had to experience the difficulties of giving up their youth earlier for the family around them.
For example, take Aragon senior, Yue Pang, the daughter of a single mother. Her mother remarried after a divorce, and she and Pang’s now-stepfather had a baby boy when Pang was twelve. Yue recalls many memories of caring for her brother, especially when he was young and her parents were working. “It was annoying, having to take care of [my little brother] all the time,” Pang shares. “I became his second mother. I had to make sure he was safe, make sure he didn’t run out the door. I had to watch him every second, and I can’t do that.” Because she was constantly looking over her brother, Pang never had time to hang out with friends. She wasn’t always able to enjoy the teenage experience of going to the movies or heading out to grab a piece of pizza. But whenever she thought of heading out to the coffee shop with some pals, she always thought of her mother. “I did it half naturally. I didn’t want my mom to be unhappy, so I volunteered to help since she was always out working late,” she says.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and National Services, about half of women’s first marriages in 1995 ended after 20 years and one third of men’s first marriages in 2002 ended in divorce after ten years. Theories show that children with divorced parents have had to fill the shoes of a mother or father for themselves and for their brothers and sisters. They are less dependent on the adults around them. Divorces are one of the big reasons why older children are placed in the position of becoming the parental figure for their younger siblings.
Another factor in the faster maturing of a student is having a mentally or physically disabled sibling. Raising a child with a disability takes a lot of care and places many demands on the parents. Older siblings and sometimes younger siblings might be asked to watch over another sibling with a disability.
Junior Jade Barkett can relate to Pang’s troubles; with her mother and step-dad often absent because of work obligations, she has helped raise her ten year old sister. “I play a big role for her. She copies everything I do,” Barkett says about her youngest sibling. “I always have to check her homework. She has ADHD and goes to a Spanish Immersion School, so she needs some help.” In addition, Barkett works at Belmont Iceland on the weekends, teaching classes and hosting parties for the rink. “I wanted to help out my family,” Barkett states. “The money goes to little treats, like more clothes or going to the movies.” Juggling a part-time job, helping her sister, being on the Aragon Varsity Cheer team and going to school can be very challenging. Barkett admits to not having time for much else. “I have to focus more in class,” she says. “I get home around seven or eight some nights, so there’s no time for homework. I’ve learned to do it at lunch or during class when we’re not doing anything.”
Freshman Alexandra Magnoli’s parents aren’t divorced, but she has had to mature faster than most for her brother. “I am the ‘older-sister’ in the family… I have to take care of [my 13-year-old brother] and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble,” Magnoli says. “It doesn’t really affect my homework, but it does give me less time to do other things.”
These students have all had to mature in a short period of time in order to care for their siblings. Students who fulfill parental roles go through countless struggles and troubles, but many do it to support their family. They might take on more than their typically prescribed duties in order to help a sibling. “It’s really a great experience,” Pang says about her life with her brother. “It teaches you responsibility, and it will help me in the future with my own kids.”
