Though the scandal involving Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o is weeks past, it revealed a startling disconnect in the way relationships are viewed. For many, the scandal, albeit extreme, looked like the stereotypical tale of an adult predator masquerading as a young female. The story again highlighted the potential dangers of virtual relationships, which may have devolved into accepted stereotypes about the nature of communication through technology. And yet the prevalence of these new modes of communication are changing public perspective on relationship customs.
“When you are on the internet, you can say things that you might be too shy to say in real life,” says Freshman Gerardo Gonzalez. “It’s so much easier.”
“Social interaction with someone miles away is a phenomenon that couldn’t have happened years ago,” says history teacher James Smith. “Anonymity of social interaction online can be a good thing, but predators with anonymity can represent themselves in any number of ways.”
In contrast, senior Sally Hosokawa notes the similarities between long distant relationships of the past and the virtual relationships of the present.
“They are kind of the same thing because you don’t see the other person face to face, but the long distant one is more romantic,” says Hosokowa.
“My parents met once at a business party. My dad went back to America, and my mom stayed in Japan. They stayed in touch through letters, and the little things grew to phone calls and planned meetings,” she continues.
“I met one of my best friends through Tumblr and Twitter,” says freshman Anahita Ghajarrahimi. “We liked the same band, and I got to know and trust her.”
“Everyone thinks talking to strangers is a bad thing, but as long as you play the game smart and safe, it can be so much more,” adds Ghajarrahimi. “There are so many people out there that like the things you like. It’s not like school where it’s hard to find people with these same interests. It’s also easier because you can talk with Twitter friends from the comfort of your laptop.”
Because virtual relationships are relatively new, the stages of the relationship are not as clearly defined, as the “classic” physical relationship. Some relationships, which start purely over communicating through social media, move to the physical world.
“I met my boyfriend through Instagram,” says Gonzalez. “We Kik messaged and got to know each other. Later, we talked on the phone and met in person. I was kind of scared because I was not sure if he was who he said he was, but we have been going out ever since we met.”
Still, Gonzalez acknowledges that the virtual factor limits the physical interaction that a physical relationship encompasses.
“In a virtual relationship, you might not actually get to know the person fully or do cute things like going out to dinner or hugging,” Gonzalez continues.
“When you have an online friend, you can’t hold them or physically be there for them,” adds freshmen Jenny Zhang.
The legitimacy of a virtual relationship also remains subjective, as intimacy becomes limited. As many people adopt a different persona, their true nature may not come out through virtual interaction.
“Since when did flirting become a virtual poke?” questions junior Jenise Williams. “People are so insecure about their own human persona, so they change themselves online. In a real relationship, you need physical contact, so you know who the person really is and get to know them.”
“Relationships are hindered by social networks. They stunt relationships because people get so caught up in the superficial, virtual relationship. They don’t see that virtual relationships are not set in stone or set in reality, because you never know for sure who is behind that screen,” adds Williams.
Gonzalez agrees, saying, “I think if it just stays online, it’s not really a relationship unless you take it a step further and meet each other in real life. If they still actually like each other, then it counts as a relationship.”
Whether or not virtual relationships are considered legitimate, they will continue to exist as they have the ability to overcome distance with modern technology. Linking together compatible individuals through social media, individuals can find similar people with whom to interact. While the anonymity of the internet remains questionable, it provides safety as well. Consequently, as virtual relationships become more prevalent, the concept of intimacy maintained through a screen has come to challenge previously held social conventions. Undoubtedly, the very meaning of a relationship is evolving.
