“I still see instances of [chivalry], like holding the door open. The word expects people to do a little bit more, like pulling a chair out for someone to sit down in,” explains senior Priyam Das.
Originally, chivalry was the medieval knight’s code of honor and conduct. Over time, it changed to refer to guidelines of how men should treat women. As Das says, old chivalrous expectations tended to go beyond those expected of modern polite society, as men were supposed to go above and beyond simply treating women with respect. The boy was supposed to give up his seat on a bus, always ask the girl out to dances, or pay for every date. But as gender roles have started shifting, some of these views have also begun to change. Is it really the end of the world if a couple splits the cost of a meal?
According to senior Connor Kenny, not at all. Says Kenny, “Why should it matter [who pays for a meal]? Whoever asked the other person on the date should pay.”
Senior Shorwei Gong also believes the default spender shouldn’t necessarily be the man. Explains Gong, “It depends. If you’re grown and working, the man should pay. But in college, split the bill.” The reasoning here makes sense: for students saving money to pay for an education, sharing the cost of dining or other expenses seems like a good idea.
Still, other students believe that traditions hold value. Junior Kevin Ruttenburg says, “If the girl asks a guy [on a date], then she can pay. But these old things shouldn’t die because of equality.”
Besides just paying, Ruttenburg believes that tradition is important in deciding who asks whom to a dance. He advises, “Don’t wait for the girl. It’s kind of put on the guy to ask. There’s some tradition to do that.”
However, Kenny and Gong disagree. Says Gong, “I don’t think people should just stick with traditions.”
Asks Kenny, “What’s the rule that makes the guy ask?” While chivalry may not have the grand importance it once held, there is reasoning behind these changes.
Some students consider chivalry is dead, and rightfully so. Says senior Richard Shu, “[Chivalry is dead] because it’s founded on a system that sucks. It’s not bad to be nice to people, but chivalry is based on a chauvinistic system.” For Shu, the ending of a sexist system like this is something to celebrate. Rather than mourning lost traditions, he is happy to embrace a new outlook on how to treat others.
Describes Shu, “It should be replaced by an attitude of being nice to people, not just for ladies.”
Indeed, a common reason cited by men for avoiding chivalry is being afraid of offending women. With the women’s rights movement came a fear of demeaning women by acting as if she is weaker or lesser than men. While this can account for some of the shift away from such a chivalrous society, a British study points out some of the seemingly worse effects of this change. According to the survey, only one in seven men would give up their seat to a woman on a bus or train. Even worse, a third of men said they would not help a mother trying to push a heavy stroller.
If chivalry itself is not yet dead, it has certainly adapted. According to Kenny, “Old chivalry is like ‘the man has to do everything.’ Being polite is maybe, ‘I got to the door first, so I’ll open it for you.’ It’s not like a gender thing; maybe I pay this time, you’ll pay next time.”
Adds Das, “It’s a little bit outdated. I think the word should be changing to fit the times. But I don’t think it ever really will die. The expectations of kindness will always be there.”
So, while acting as a knight in shining armor may no longer be considered the norm, kindness towards other people is never a bad idea.
