From what seems like the moment I was born, my grandma tried to instill in me her values and morals.
My grandma was born in the 1940s in China. Humbled through her sufferings, she was shaped by the adversity she faced and the traditional Chinese values she grew up with.
If there are two lessons that I can take from being around my grandma, the first would be the importance of keeping promises. There is a Chinese idiom about an elderly woman who sees a poor boy and gives him a bowl of rice. The young boy is overcome with gratitude and promises to repay her kindness. The boy later becomes the emperor, and gifts the woman a thousand gold coins.
Second, she highly valued being able to think for yourself as an individual and standing on your own two feet.
However, as a teenage Asian-American, I’ve been exposed to many American ideals that have played a huge role in shaping me as well. In recent news, the Hong Kong protests are making me reevaluate my grandma’s beliefs.
In the 1980s, the idea of “one country, two systems” was conceived. Premier Zhao Ziyang promised the Hong Kong citizens that their democratic rights would be protected. Now, China might be going back on its promise.
It’s disappointing to see the very country where these principles originated contradicting itself. If China can’t even follow its own beliefs, then how am I supposed to? Does its failure to keep its promise to Hong Kong invalidate its values?
My grandma always tells me that Guangzhou, her hometown, is the best place to live. That being said, my grandma is rather nationalistic and believes in traditional Chinese values, one of which is gender roles, which has affected me my entire life.
I’ve always considered myself to be “unfeminine,” or as my grandma would say, “rough.” I enjoyed playing games that were “meant for boys,” and I liked to get into fights with my brothers.
Growing up, I was told by my grandma that girls were meant for more domestic roles in life and needed to leave everything that required strength and knowledge to the boys. The ingrained sexism in Chinese culture tells girls that boys are more valuable. It’s no wonder that China has one of the highest rates of female infanticide in the world.
But these Chinese values clash with my grandma’s belief that an individual should be self-reliant and able to think for herself. My grandma tells me one thing—to be an individual—but then also believes in gender roles. I’m a little torn as to whether or not these values are actually just arbitrary. Are these traditional values really worth upholding?
Looking at the Hong Kong protestors, a lot of them are female students. These girls are taking a stand for what they believe in, thinking for themselves. How would they do this if they were confined to domestic roles? And how am I supposed to be an individual, yet still be feminine and ladylike?
The Hong Kong protests have really made me reflect on my traditional Chinese upbringing as an Asian-American. There is an inner conflict regarding these Chinese morals, but for now, learning these values and also being able to question them has taught me well.
I may not agree with my grandma on her traditional values of gender roles, but I do respect and agree with her other two values. Nonetheless, I know that by forming my own opinions, I have made my grandma proud in my own way.
