Apps like Tinder and Grindr have become the next fad in the dating world, especially with regards to young people. Unlike traditional online dating sites like eHarmony and Match.com, which use personality profiles to match people up, Tinder uses a first-impressions system to pair potential couples. Users are presented with a catalog of local profile pictures and asked to “swipe right” if they find the person attractive and “swipe left” if they don’t.
Grindr, a phone application similar to Tinder for men interested in meeting other men, works similarly—it matches users up with others in the vicinity.
According to Sean Rad, co-founder of Tinder, the first-impressions method mimics the dating scene of the real world. Rad said to the New York Times, “When was the last time you walked into a bar and someone said, ‘Excuse me, can you fill out this form and we’ll match you up with people here?’ ”
As more and more people become active online, the “real” world dating scene seems to be transitioning to a more digital front.
Senior Gabby Bermudez says, “Social media is what’s taking over the world, especially if you’re in your 20s. I’ve heard people say that it’s really rare to actually meet someone in a bar.”
Tinder’s unique “swiping” system forces users to base matches solely on looks alone. Although this might make for an initially superficial relationship, Tinder users find its matching method exciting and effective.
Senior John Graham says, “Tinder forces you to become more open about having conversations with complete strangers which can sometimes lead to a good match.”
For dating, or just to hook up?
While many users claim to use Grindr and Tinder exclusively for dating, many would say that the applications have developed a stigma for being used by people exclusively looking for sex, or to “hook up.”
Bermudez only uses Tinder for dates. She says, “I use it maybe three times a week. I specifically have on my profile, ‘If you are looking for a hookup, do not contact me.’ I don’t really want to talk to you if you’re not interested in getting to know me. I’ve actually made friends on Tinder, if that’s even believable.”
Jack* is a 17-year-old former San Mateo Union High School District student who has used Grindr in the past. According to him, Grindr users are primarily looking for sex. When asked how many Grindr users are looking for sex, Jack said, “70-30 maybe. 70 [percent] looking for sex, and 30 [percent] looking for talking.”
Describing Tinder, senior Kelsey O’Donnell says, “I think it’s not as purely hook-up as Grindr is, and some people were just looking for friends on Tinder, but I do think it’s primarily a hook-up app.”
However, Jack believes that Grindr does provide an opportunity to start long-term relationships. “Relationships are based on how much you dedicate your time to that relationship. It has nothing to do with the way you met,” he says. “I know people who have met through there who actually go on [to have] a good, decent relationship.”
Complications with age
As of January 2015, Tinder has about 50 million users worldwide. Although most dating apps require users to be over 18, Tinder has an age requirement of just 13, possibly contributing to its widespread popularity. In fact, many Aragon students use the app to meet people in the area.
Tinder users are separated into two different pools—under 18 and over 18—in order to avoid legal complications and to provide a safer dating environment. Grindr users, on the other hand, are only allowed to be over 18. However, that does not stop some minors from using the app.
Jack has used Grindr in the past to meet up with men as old as 23 for both dates and sexual encounters, an act prohibited under California’s age of consent law.
On those who maintain that minors should not meet up with people over 18, Jack says, “I would say that they’re right I guess. They have a right for what they are saying, and I think they’re right, but the thing is that I’m a teenager, and I do it anyways. So that’s my basic answer for it.”
Furthermore, Jack points to a paltry and obscure dating pool as reason for hooking up with older men through Grindr. “It is illegal, I guess,” he says. “I get that it is wrong, but the fact that there’s not that many people around me that are here, I guess, and if there are people, it’s kind of hard. You grow resorting towards online because you just don’t know what’s around you.”
‘Catfishing’
Despite Tinder’s popularity, meeting up with an online stranger poses certain safety risks, especially for high school-age students. Social media in general has been known to foster behaviors like online “catfishing,” where users pretend to be someone they are not, and cyberbullying. However, Tinder has established certain policies, like age grouping and linked social media accounts, to combat these potentially dangerous situations.
Graham says, “You create a basic profile with pictures uploaded exclusively through your public Facebook account, which is why it is hard to create fake profiles, and you can’t lie about your age. I haven’t had any problems with people claiming to be who they aren’t and I have only met up with other people using the app when I had corroborated their identities on other social media accounts as well.”
Meeting up with Tinder matches opens up a world of both opportunities and dangers. While relationships can be developed in person, online personas can differ from their real-life personalities.
Bermudez says, “I’m very selective about who I meet up with, and I make sure that I talk to them for a good amount of time, so that if there’s a lie, it will come out.”
Still, Health teacher Barbara Beaumont questions teenagers’ ability to determine others’ true intentions when meeting up due to these applications. “Somebody else might have a different interest than you do that you’re not aware of and you don’t read that—you can’t read into that, maybe as much when you are younger, what other people’s intentions are, especially if they are older than you,” she says.
A possible distraction?
According to Beaumont, these applications can serve as an unwanted distraction to teens. “What I hear is, doing everything that we do here, is, ‘We have all these things,’ and my feelings on it is, you don’t need to be tied to your cell phone for one more frickin’ thing,” she says.
Accordingly, after a roughly two-month period of usage, Jack stopped using the app in order, among other reasons, to focus on his job. “Right now, I’m not trying to occupy my time with that—I’m trying to just focus on work,” he says.
Since deciding to stop using Grindr, Jack maintains that he has found it easy to keep off of it. However, he does not rule out using it in the future.
Taking precautions
For Bermudez, safety is a huge priority when meeting up with Tinder dates.
She says, “I have a rule: I never let people pick me up on the first date. I’ll always tell my mom where I am ahead of time and I say, ‘If I text you this code word, come get me immediately.’ I think I’m pretty smart with making decisions and I’m pretty selective with who I meet up with. I’ve never been catfished, something I’m proud to say.”
Graham also takes precautions when meeting up with dates, “Meet up with people that you trust and always make sure you tell someone who you’re going to be with and where you will be before, during, and after the date,” he says.
Beaumont, while also suggesting that users let a friend know when meeting up with other Grindr or Tinder users, stressed the importance of the location choice. “I would say, meet in a public place, like go meet in Starbucks. And maybe even have one of your friends [with you], who’s sitting over there studying, so you have them there with you.”
Associated Stigma
Tinder and Grindr users report scrutiny from others over their usage.
Bermudez says, “I feel like there’s a stigma against people who have Tinders. Like, ‘She’s a slut,’ or ‘She just wants to hook up because she has a Tinder.’ Sure, there are a few weird people, but I think it’s just like anywhere on the Internet. You know what sites will give you a virus and you know who to friend on Facebook. It’s the same thing on Tinder. You just have to be careful.”
Jack believes that those who would like to pass judgments on users of Grindr need to understand how difficult it is for males interested in other males to find possible suitors without them. “[In] the gay community, or the young gay community, some people may feel like they don’t have enough people to talk to here, so they look for other people,” he said. “I mean, for straight people, your [pool] is like 300 compared to, ‘Hey, I’ve got five people to choose.’ What if I hate all five?”
Health teacher Rachel Reimers believes that a larger conversation is needed on the topic of these applications. “I think students are using it, so to me that means we need to start having a conversation about how to use it in a healthy and safe way or how to decide not to use it,” she says.
*Names have been changed for privacy
