J. Cole’s “Love Yourz” is probably not where I would have immediately looked if I were in search of inspiration for philosophical musing, but the basic principles Cole touches upon challenged a notion that hit strikingly close to home. Comparisons, spanning from those based in materialism to familial situations, mark the entirety of “Love Yourz”; yet his song remains imbued in positivity, as Cole first recognizes the cyclic and confining nature of comparisons, then underscores the true value of what an individual already owns, and finally drives home the message: “It’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success.”
Cole’s song stood out to me because of how it contrasted to my perception of success in our society. While we speak about the significance of failure in personal growth during theoretical discussions, the “struggle,” as Cole would put it, is rarely celebrated and is almost never perceived as “beautiful.” Instead, it feels almost as if society assesses one’s worth based on a scale weighted by accomplishments. In this environment, it becomes easy to forget what one already has, as growing expectations come into the forefront.
In July of 2015, the New York Times published a piece about alumna Kathryn DeWitt’s suicidal feelings, which they attributed the pressure of perfection. The piece sent me into a state of shock, as the Kathryn I met during my stint in cross country during freshman year seemed to be impeccable and everything I aspired to grow into — composure, depth in analytical abilities, athleticism, all on top of unparalleled kindness. Kathryn is very much still someone I admire, but seeing how deeply the situation affected her, I began to understand how little the “struggle” is recognized in society and how dangerous it can be to ignore the reality of the “struggle.”
Talking to Kathryn, I found that the pressure of perfection was not a singular contributor to the formation of her suicidal ideations, but many of the issues derived from expectations. Having to adjust to the new environment across the country, being in one of the worst winters, having health issues, facing academic situations where the curved mattered, questioning her sexuality, and hoping to find friends, she found herself in a rough situation where she was expected to keep the struggle under the surface.
“All of that grouped together and brought out the perfect storm that led to my anxiety and depression worsening and worsening and worsening,” Kathryn told me. “I realized something was up, but my mindset was so warped by the depression that I had already found one way of escape and to me, that escape was suicide.”
Although she still deals with the effects of depression and anxiety, Kathryn is well on her way to recovery and has been able to identify a similar concept as Cole: “I think for me the biggest and most important part is knowing that I have found self validation in other means, not through the culture and not through competing with others but through the friends and the relationships I have made, for doing as well as I can within the context of the situation and knowing that when I do my best, my best might not be as good as somebody else’s. It’s a lot about understanding that we are all different people, and we all have different skills and talents that will work together to make us a more beautiful society.”
By putting herself first, Kathryn has been able to keep her expectations in check and look at alternatives. “In the end, it is one decision, one choice — it is not the be all end all of anything. Your life goes on. There is uncertainty, and there will be uncertainty, but what matters at the end of the day is the people you have around you, the work you are doing, and how well you can perform for your context.”
As seniors prepare to graduate and as we continue to plan our futures, bringing more awareness to the internal struggle and redefining personal success to be what we have, rather than basing it off the ideal of perfection, we can truly capture the “beauty of the struggle.”
