When junior Adeline Yu and senior Nick Tong planned to go on a double date, the other couple stood them up, leaving Yu and Tong to watch the movie The Brothers Grimsby alone. Since they had just met during a Harvard Model Congress conference, the two were able to get to know more about each other through the experience. Although Yu and Tong started dating a little more than a month ago, they have become aware of an approaching change — Tong will attend New York University next fall, while Yu will remain at Aragon.
Seniors who are about to attend college or have other future plans may travel, like in Tong’s case, across the country. Because of the distance, some couples decide to break up, since they do not believe that sustained long distance relationships work. Both Yu and Tong agree with this mentality. “To be honest, we are all going to move on in life,” says Yu. “He’s going to the East Coast, so he might have like a different life than me … You might meet new people and feel kind of held back. It’s hard. There could be a chance of disloyalty to the relationship.”
Long distance relationships that continue from high school tend to be challenging, as indicated by the popular term known as the “turkey drop,” in which college freshmen break off their long distance relationship during Thanksgiving break, when students realize that their relationship may be stifling their growth.
Even though people may be discouraged about long distance relationships, some think that these types of relationships can be successful and worth it. Senior Meghan Hilbert is dating Aragon alumnus Matt Savage, who is currently attending Washington University at St. Louis. In May of Savage’s senior year, the couple decided to break up but remain friends. Hilbert, who will be attending Chico State in the fall, says, “We were broken up for about two months, and then we just kind of realized that it felt weird. We still had feelings for each other, so we decided to get back together [since] his winter break was like a month and a half. He would be home more than we thought, so we thought it could probably work, and it has.”
While distance hinders people from actively staying in contact, couples can communicate through various forms of social media. Although interaction through a screen is better than none at all, it is more likely to result in conflicts or misunderstandings that are difficult to remedy without physical contact. Tong adds, “I feel like physical contact is a really big factor. It’s probably a bigger factor than a lot of us would give credit for. I think that’s just who we are as humans. We need that type of thing, so that’s an obstacle we have to face. Just finding time to see each other every day, like in school, it’s a lot easier.”
Even though distance is a major obstacle for relationships, some couples have discovered solutions. Throughout the school year, Savage returned home several times, such as during winter break. Savage also visited last April to go to prom with Hilbert. Having Savage at prom differed from Hilbert’s experience while he was away, where she went to formal with a friend. “Even though it was fun, there are definitely moments when I see couples, and it makes me really miss [having him here],” says Hilbert.
Alumna Samantha Wong, who goes to UC San Diego, is dating alumnus Kurtis Young, who attends UC Santa Barbara. During their first year of college, they visited each other every quarter using Amtrak. Wong says, “The entire train ride to Santa Barbara, I would feel jittery at the thought of seeing him again. Seeing each other once a quarter has become our norm now, although I believe both of us are capable of not seeing each other an entire quarter.”
Despite the disadvantages of being distanced, Wong thinks that it can be beneficial to the individual and the couple. “I would say that distance really tests a relationship to see if it can last without the physical part of the relationship. It’s not about physical intimacy anymore, but emotional intimacy,” says Wong. “It’s about compromising, literally all the time, because you both will undoubtedly have different needs.”
People may feel compelled to change their future plans based on where their significant other is going to be. However, others also believe that relationships should not factor into college decisions. Hilbert says, “I definitely do think a lot of people who have a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school have this idealistic vision … Matt and I never even thought about that because we think each other should be selfish because [these are] our future plans. It’s definitely common in high school for people to try and make things work by planning out their college plans together, whether it’s going together or nearby. I don’t think it’s smart because there’s nothing guaranteed.”
As the school year comes to a close, some couples may find themselves faced with similar dilemmas. Whether they choose to close the door on the relationship or keep it propped open with the aid of social media, all will be okay.
