Numerous students at Aragon live in split custody households as a result of divorce. Many have had to adapt their schedules and take on new responsibilities, often on a daily basis. However, divorce, despite being treated as a social taboo, is not always an absolute negative.
Junior Desmond Ergina has been living with divorced parents since he was young. His parents don’t just live apart — they live on opposite sides of the bay. When living at his father’s house near Hayward, Ergina drives over an hour each morning just to get to school.
Senior Nicole Kramer also has a long commute each morning and evening during the times when she lives with her father in Daly City. She drives herself and her younger sister to school each day. Kramer says, “you have to plan ahead a lot more. I know for school I have to remember to bring textbooks and my laptop.” Junior Sarena Yang concurs, noting: “annoying…that I have to lug my textbooks back and forth since I don’t have two copies.”
Split-custody households cause students to need to balance time between homes. Kramer, Ergina and Yang all have different daily schedules depending on their living location at any given moment. Ergina in particular feels that “[my parents] did a pretty good job at making sure that I felt home at both places. I’m not stranded at one place or the other.” Both Kramer and Yang agree that their time is pretty balanced between both homes.
Part of transitioning between homes means managing family events between both parents. Kramer handles holidays by switching off each year between her parents. This year, she will be spending Thanksgiving with her father. She notes that this is one of the more positive aspects of divorce, as she gets to enjoy holidays such as Christmas twice. Yang balances holiday time by having “catch-up days” after major holidays to give gifts and just celebrate with each parent individually.
A shifting home environment brings new responsibilities. Ergina has managed his commute with great variety, utilizing driving, Uber, the bus, and the train almost daily to get around. Ergina, in response to his time management, says: “it’s really just making sure I’m on top of my work … I have to make sure I don’t fall behind too much when I lose those hours on the commute.” Kramer has also felt that her responsibilities have shifted because of her parents divorced. “[Having separated parents] has made me … more proactive, organized and … more self-disciplined. It made me rely more on myself.”
Living with divorce is not without adversity. As a result his extended commute from school and work to the East Bay, Ergina often does not return to his father’s home until midnight. His life takes on another level of planning. He explains, “[there’s] two days, maybe, where I can work only on school work.” This timing has had an effect on his sleep schedule as well. Ergina often stays up late into the night working on school work. Desmond rarely comes to school with a good night’s rest, getting as little as two hours of sleep, paired with three cups of coffee. “I’ve got to get through it,” says Ergina.
Kramer explains the difficulties of divorce simply as “You feel a lot more divided.” Because of her parent’s separation, she often feels awkward at family events. Additionally, Yang elaborates that: “I’ve kind of accepted [divorce], so I understand that my parents love me but they just can’t love each other anymore … there are too many differences.” She believes that divorce was, in her case, probably for the better and her parents and her are happier as a result.
Although divorce is quite a widespread occurrence, in the United States especially, many go without ever truly acknowledging the value of a two-parent household. Yang urges those with married parents to genuinely appreciate how much time they get to spend with both parents, and to “be grateful for your family environment.” Kramer agrees, saying, “I have to change myself, my schedule, everything.” Divorce should not be pitied, yet also not ignored; those with divorced parents are all the more stronger for conquering the additional challenges in life head on.
