The first time I tried to “come out” to my parents as genderfluid, I prepared for an hour, trying to gather my courage. After immediately getting rejected by my dad, I called my friend, crying for hours on the call. But when I came out to this friend two months before, I received a tremendous amount of support. Coming out — the process of telling someone else your sexual identity and gender — takes a lot of courage.
In the last few years, an increasing number of bills targeting the rights of LGBTQ+ youth have been passed. These bills especially target transgender people’s access to healthcare, public accommodations such as bathrooms and locker rooms and even civil liberties like free speech.
Transgender people continue to find themselves facing discrimination. According to the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law, transgender people are four times more likely to be victims of violent crimes compared to cisgender people.
“Although many parents may feel that they have the right to know about their child’s identity, the children may not share that sentiment”
California protects transgender youth who seek gender-affirming care. However, in most cases, youth under the age of 18 must obtain permission from their legal guardian before accessing treatment to begin medically transitioning.
Despite not being able to medically transition, students who are not yet “out” to their parents can transition in school by changing their name and preferred pronouns without their parent’s knowledge, like I did [at first].
School administrations and educators should respect trans students’ wishes. Although many parents may feel that they have the right to know about their child’s identity, the children may not share that sentiment.
In many cases, coming out to parents is harder than coming out to friends or classmates. Because my parents provide me with food, clothes and a place to stay, the risks of what could happen if my parents don’t accept me are so much higher.
An alarming number of gay and transgender youth are homeless. The Williams Institute surveyed 354 agencies that worked with LGBTQ+ homeless populations, reporting that 68% of clients experienced family rejection, and 1 in 4 of the youth were forced to leave their homes after coming out to their parents.
On Jan. 12, Sen. Jeff Raatz (R) Indiana, introduced Senate Bill 354 to the Indiana Statehouse that would require schools to communicate with parents if a student asks to change their gender identity, including their name and preferred pronouns.
By coming out to the school, we are placing trust in the faculty with something very personal and essential about our identity. For the school to tell our parents about this would be a betrayal of our trust.
Transgender people are told every day by the media and people around us that we are seen as a threat to society. People constantly tell us that we “just want attention” and like my dad said to me that “it’s just a phase.”
I know that coming out to an unaccepting family can be heartbreaking and overwhelming. The possibility of feeling trapped in one’s own home is a feeling that many people don’t consider.
With this in mind, I was faced with a predicament: I wanted my gender identity to be respected, without needing to come out to my parents. So I came out only at school instead. This way, the people I interact with would know and respect a big part of my identity, and I wouldn’t need to confront my parents.
Schools need to be respectful and supportive of a student’s gender identity, especially since parents at home might not be. A little support can go a long way and give a trans student a safe place to express themselves.
