Jessica Xia
For centuries, domestic abuse has impacted people around the world. It is rarely called out due to its often quiet, unsuspecting nature — acts of violence between loving partners can easily be dismissed as harmless arguments.
But in recent decades, people have begun to hold abusers accountable by spreading awareness about its consequences. Help hotlines are easily accessible for victims, and domestic violence can often result in criminal charges placed on the abuser.
“With the available resources, it’s easy to believe we have come a long way. However, domestic abuse is still glorified across media and in real life, making it impossible to identify, even when it’s in front of us”
Within the past few years, New York Times bestselling author Colleen Hoover’s novels have gained massive readership after going viral on social media. “It Ends With Us,” the most popular of her books, has received harsh criticism from readers for romanticizing abuse. Ironically, I find that this is one of the few Hoover books that doesn’t glorify abuse, but instead portrays abusive relationships as harmful situations that victims should escape. However, the same cannot be said about Hoover’s other novels.
“Ugly Love,” another Hoover bestseller, follows the toxic, destructive romance between main characters Tate and Miles. Throughout the book, Miles repeatedly manipulates Tate, who, as a result, becomes void of happiness and self-confidence. However, Miles’ horrible actions are excused because of his past trauma. The difference between “Ugly Love” and “It Ends With Us” is that Tate does not even realize she was abused. In fact, she and Miles end up getting married and having a child together.
Films have also been criticized for romanticizing abuse. Female characters are often portrayed as submissive to their male love interests, like the dynamic between Bella and Edward in the “Twilight” franchise. However, many viewers find this toxic dynamic protective, and oftentimes even attractive. Perhaps these portrayals stem from the toxic masculinity that society expects from men. Often, men are criticized for showing emotion; so the cold, possessive exteriors male characters exhibit in films might be a representation of the behaviors society praises men for.
The glorification of abuse is even present in the music we listen to. Singer Lana Del Rey, describes an abusive relationship as complex and addictive in the song “Ultraviolence.” “He hit me and it felt like a kiss,” she sings.
Del Rey has received criticism for her music’s abusive themes, especially since many of her listeners are young people, who are arguably more impressionable. Del Rey has pushed back against this criticism, arguing that artists should be able to say “whatever the hell they want” in their music.
This raises a question that applies to books, movies, and music alike: Is it up to creators to protect their audiences from potentially harmful themes? Artists have the freedom to share their raw, honest experiences, but if they describe said experiences in a dramatized way, are they romanticizing them?
“Where is the line between self-expression and glorification?”
Of course, the answers to these questions are not black and white.
It is true that all people have the right to share their experiences and express themselves however they see fit, and no individual’s voice should be censored. However, when harmful thoughts and experiences are glorified, it is important to raise questions, and have conversations about them.
Also, films or books with domestic abuse should be prefaced by trigger warnings, giving viewers the option to avoid potentially harmful content. Nothing is being censored, but viewers can experience books and movies knowing what they are walking into.
It’s important to recognize domestic abuse for what it is: Violence that should never be tolerated, let alone glorified. It might be impossible to avoid it in various forms of media, but when it is present, it should be portrayed in a negative light. If it is not, people will be unable to call out domestic violence in their own lives.
