*Names have been changed to protect source privacy
Ken quips in last summer’s film “Barbie” “she’s my long-term, long-distance, low-commitment casual girlfriend.” While intended for a plastic world, his remark reflects the realities of the dating landscape, in which swiping right takes precedence over a real-world introduction, and “casual” relationships are the norm rather than the exception.
“I was talking with this guy for a month-and-a-half [on Snapchat] and we hung out,” said sophomore *Lindsey. “It turns out he was only trying to get with me because the girl he actually wanted did not want him back. [Then] out of nowhere he blocked me, and after [I found out] he was also talking to a bunch of other girls.”
Pushed by changes in popular culture and social media, experiences such as Lindsey’s have affected young individuals. Increased social pressure to have sex at an early age encourages a culture of more casual “hookups” over traditional forms of dating and committed relationships.
“I was about 15 or 16 when I lost my virginity,” said junior *Peter. “I was made fun of for being a virgin, and I was tired of it, so in order to combat it, I lost my virginity to someone who didn’t care about me. [Later,] I found out from a mutual friend … w[that] she just wanted to have sex with me and leave me.”
Experiences such as Peter’s have become a familiar part of relationship dynamics. Pushed by changes in popular culture and social media, traditional forms of dating and committed relationships have given way to a culture of more casual sexual “hookups.”
So what is a hookup?
“It’s when you’re meeting with people not to form an emotional bond,” said senior *Mick. “It’s more about lust and sexual gratification. A big part of hooking up is physical intimacy, if it doesn’t have physical intimacy it’s not hooking up.”
The allure of fulfilling a desire for sexual intimacy with no strings attached has drawn hordes of young people to dating and social media apps such as Tinder, Grindr and Snapchat.
“Tinder feels like a sex app in my opinion, like people just use it to get together and [have sex] and end it,” Peter said. “[Snapchat] can be used for communication, but a lot of hookups happen from there too … Some girls from Snapchat that I’ve gotten with previously … agreed to just have a one-and-done thing, and we don’t talk about it anymore. Tinder is for adults, so people have just [had sex] and left it at that because they never see each other again.”
Such lack of commitment is the reason why many partake in hookups.
“There’s a lot of people who want to experiment with physical intimacy, and maybe they’re not ready for a relationship,” Mick said. “There’s benefits where you don’t have to commit yourself because you’re still technically single when you’re hooking up with someone.”
Yet, communication remains an important factor even in a low-commitment relationship.
“I had an experience with a girl for around six months, but I never really wanted to … become boyfriend and girlfriend because I don’t think I was ready for that,” said senior *John. “I didn’t want the label … but it ended kind of ugly. I think I didn’t communicate with her [enough]. We had equal ideas of what we wanted, we both didn’t want it to be super serious. But at the end of the day, we still have to respect each other. And I failed to do that.”
While hookup culture may seem liberating on the surface, it’s not always the carefree experience that many seek.
“From a guy standpoint, … I guess that [experience gained] would benefit you in a future relationship because you know what you’re doing and … can satisfy your partner,” Peter said. “But other than that, speaking from experience, it’s really detrimental. Getting with someone and just never talking to them again, takes a piece of your innocence away. The more you do it the worse it gets. … There’s no going back after you have sex with someone, that’s on your body count. You always know that and that’s always in your head.”
Despite the pressure hookup culture often places on youth to lose their virginity, the double standard of “slut-shaming” prevails, split along gender lines. Women often find themselves under harsh judgment for partaking in casual sex, while men are often celebrated for a high “body count.”
“If it came out that a girl had sex she’d probably be slut-shamed, and if she was popular, she’d probably lose her status,” Lindsey said. “But if a guy had sex he would get praised, like ‘nice going’ or something like that. … Girls are kind of forced to be intimate. I remember this saying, ‘If you let him kiss you you’re a slut, but if you don’t, you’re a prude.’”
Ultimately, while hookup culture can serve to gain sexual experience without the stress of relationships, it’s important to keep in mind the emotional and mental impacts that can accompany hookups as well.
