After seeing students make grand gestures as Homecoming proposals recently, sophomore Waylon Zargar began to wonder how he could create a poster that his girlfriend would enjoy.
“I saw a bunch of people doing these big [Homecoming] proposals at the [football] games,” he said. “I was like, ‘oh, crap. Does that mean I have to do it at school?’”
As a result, Zargar asked classmates and friends for help with his poster.
“In my Modern [World] History class, I asked some people, ‘hey, what should I do?’” Zargar said. “They gave me some ideas … and I asked my mom if she could have her students help. Afterwards, we went to my house, and I left the poster in my room. But I thought she’d hate it. So it was very stressful, and I hadn’t bought my [Homecoming] ticket yet. I was about two days from them selling out; it was pretty scary.”
For many, dating is more than an emotional connection. There are unspoken rules for everything. Some students believe that these traditions are a powerful way to show affection, while others see them as unfair and adding pressure around money, public image and gender roles.
For instance, students might encounter financial expectations. Traditional stereotypes suggest that the boy should pay for dates, buy flowers or plan a major gesture. However, this isn’t always possible in teenage relationships.
“[My boyfriend and I are] young,” said sophomore Isabel Suakjin, “Neither of us have jobs, so I can’t expect him to pay for everything.”
When a date becomes a test of who pays, money might become a sign of value. Instead, students said that buying gifts should aim to make someone happy and focus on its meaning, instead of a price tag.
“Society has set the norm that whoever asks them out on the date pays for it and I really don’t like that,” said sophomore Sophia Holder.
If relationships are less about real connection and more about outside appearance, communication and vulnerability can become a point of pressure, especially with societal concepts like “nonchalant” and “the silent, strong type.”
In fact, in a U.S. adult sample from the “Man Box” study – a research initiative that aims to examine the impact of societal norms and pressures on young men and their mindsets – 67% of respondents who aligned with restrictive masculine stereotypes said they had given emotional support to someone else, but only 25% said they felt comfortable crying in front of a friend and 40% said they had talked to a friend about something deeply emotional.
However, some resist this philosophy, prioritizing communication instead. Many students have begun to value transparency and honesty over nonchalant appearances, deviating from what has historically been expected of men.
“Emotions are a big thing for me,” Zargar said. “I always try to put our feelings first.”
The same pressures can appear just as easily from outside relationships. Romance books and couple influencers often raise standards to a point where love is measured by grand gestures and constant texting. For students who see these idealistic traits as a part of the “perfect package,” it might be difficult to see themselves as enough or valuable in a relationship.
“Sometimes people set the bar super high and they’ll never find someone because they’re looking for someone perfect in all categories,” Suakjin said. “But I don’t think that anyone is ever perfect and it’s more of the person on the inside that’s important.”
A student may very well want big gestures and extravagant dates, but another may want private moments and thoughtful notes – it depends on the relationship and personal preference.
“You can’t go telling someone [that] your partner should be doing you acts of service when their partner [prefers] physical touch,” Holder said. “So [love] differs among other people and the way that society frames [love in boxes is] not right.”
High school relationships may often navigate restricting societal expectations and peer pressure, but at the end of the day, they pioneer their own path based on what works best for them. Whether that be by splitting the bill or reinforcing communication, students in relationships often prioritize each other’s needs over the demands of social norms and traditional roles.
